Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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