the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
