Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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