The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
