i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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