Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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