you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
