There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
