The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
false alarm. still invincible.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
