I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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