are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
