Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
