can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Send help, water and tortillas.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
