so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
