Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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