i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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