He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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