I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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