nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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