Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
