She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
