dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
