where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
