1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
