people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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