So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
