My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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