This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
