what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
