Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
