You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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