I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just cropdusted the office
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
