He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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