i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You are a genius and a whore.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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