He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize