singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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