I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
