YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
