Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
