Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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