I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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