.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
