If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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