were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
