I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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