Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
