yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
