Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
