I accidentally had phone sex last night
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
