I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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