remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
