I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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