Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize