The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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