There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
