Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize