Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
