god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize