Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
