when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
