He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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