both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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