today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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