Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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