38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
