You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
