I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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