life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
