wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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