I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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