Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
