I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
