Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
