I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
