whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
