I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
