Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
