I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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