I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
