i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
