I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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