Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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