matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
