I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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