i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
