We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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