We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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