I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
