two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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