her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize